i can’t get over how much i must’ve hurt you. how much you must resent me. how much i broke your heart, so that now we can’t even wish each other well. i was the biggest chunk leading up to now, and vice versa. but we can’t even be there to celebrate each other, we can’t wish each other well. and that’s been killing me every single day since my birthday, and since yours. i never wanted to hurt you that much, and i never wanted to lose you completely. i know, it’s my fault and i most certainly can’t fault you on doing what you needed to do to feel better, to move on. i created this, i know that. i moved on fast, and that hurt you too. i’m not talking about anything other than the fact that you were my best friend and i want to mean a little something to you, in some small trace in the back of your mind, that we could still be, not friends, but have that niggling little bit of care that we’d be happy for each other and would want so badly to be able to just say, you deserve the world, and i will always care about you in some way, and just have a happy birthday.
you killed me. that you’ve finalised that there’s not even a second thought about each other anymore, as i said, in the most purely innocent way of the fact that we were best friends for so long and went through hell and back together.
but i killed you first when i walked away, so it’s my fault.
and i’m so sorry. i am so, so sorry.
i will always care, and i will always wish you well. even if you don’t hear me.
i’m back, there’s too much on my mind.
leaving this tumblr behind, thanks for the fun crew x